I really have a lot of thoughts that I want to share. No, not want. These are thoughts that I need to share. My problem is I can't find a way to write the ideas I carry in my mind. I have spent a lot of time thinking about so many different things at once and can't focus enough to finish the one idea before another takes over. Suddenly I'm on another project or idea and as I approach a point where I'm ready to write something BAM! Another train of thought has overtaken me.
I'm not abandoning the thoughts completely, just for the moment. If my memory is working well that day, I can go back to the thought and allow my creativity to take over. Some days I can't recall the thought that I started with, but it will jump into my head eventually. As it cuts off another thought in progress.
This just happened - I got a phone call and it has been about 45 minutes since I ended the last paragraph. I forgot to come back, until I started ... KNOCK KNOCK
This was not an attempt at literary cuteness. I actually just got disturbed by a knock at the door bringing a visitor. I normally do not answer the door for unannounced visitors, but this was a welcome friend, so I made an exception.
He is a straight boy. We aren't really good friends, but we've said hi to each other in passing and he's a friend of my roommate. He came by looking for roomie, but he wasn't home. He asked if he could sit and chill for a second. I didn't mind, so I said sure. Take a seat.
He asked for permission to light a cigarette, which I found polite since I don't smoke. I found an ashtray and let him relax for a few minutes. I appreciate the conversation and had nothing else to do at the time other than blog anyway.
I said I appreciate the conversation because it is still going on. Let me point out that we are also watching The Ellen Show and there is a lull in the conversation. I also let him know that I was online and trying to get some thoughts out before they were temporarily forgotten. This has opened a conversation about his love of producing music and he needs help to create a CD. I'm no pro, but I can take a music file and burn it to a CD, I can even label if I choose.
That led to further conversation, and he noticed a very attractive woman on TV. He mentioned how sexy she is, and said "Sorry, I get crazy about women sometime." I laughed and said no worries, then moved my focus back to my laptop. Out of nowhere (which is normally how this happens), he remarked "no offense to you guys, but I'm not like that." He, of course, happens to know plenty gay people and is cool with them - as long as they don't hit on him. One of his gay friends even jokingly made an offer, but he knew it was just a joke. I assured him I am cool with straight people too, as long as they don't throw it in my face.
I always find it interesting when straight people make comments like that. It is not meant to be offensive, and isn't. Well, there is the presumption that gay people make it a habit of molesting straight people. I, personally, have never done that. Nor has any gay person I know, as least not to my knowledge. I always take it as a friendly request to not hit on that person, and enjoy hearing their stories of gays they are such good friends with. And I've experienced obvious signs of homophobia to know what's real and what is just a harmless comment. Now, to the guy who walks into the restroom at work and busts a u-turn right back out when they notice a gay co-worker is already in there is obvious. Not so offensive, since it is normally someone unattractive, which makes it ironic. First of all, do you really think a gay dude is going to try something? It's at work AND in a bathroom. I don't even touch the door handle to leave the bathroom, and you think I would...
Visitor has now left and gone about his day, and I need to do the same. I have a huge load of laundry that I need clean. It was really time last week, but I was lazy and just bought new socks to avoid washing. This week I have no choice - I have no clean clothes except what I'm wearing. I think if I hurry I can beat the crowd to the washateria. Normally they aren't there until after school lets out.
I realize how much I have jumped around on this post. And I have yet to finish my initial intention, which was to take some ideas and form them into written word. Instead, I have taken you an a journey. Remember the movie "Being John Malkovich"? Well, this has been "Being Brian". You just experienced what a typical day is like for me.
My brain moves from thought to thought as it pleases, and seems to somehow take joy in hiding from my accessible memory the one thing I want to recall.
5th ELEMENT!!!! That was the name of that movie I was trying to think of the other day. As soon as I called my brain out for allowing me to be so ADHD, it backs down and reveals some info I had been seeking.
I am used to thinking in pieces, and actually find my creative mind to be one of my greatest attributes. I'm blessed with family who understand when I start a conversation and then forget what we were talking about. I'm blessed with friends who understand if they tell me a long story, I'm not likely to stay focused. It's not at all a sign of disrespect, It's just how my brain was created to perform.
Four hours have now passed since I started this post. If you actually read the entire thing, thank you. And please feel free to take a 15 minutes relaxation session. You deserve it for letting your brain experience a small part of what mine goes through daily. I promise to try and focus my thoughts on future posts.
I realize I could have simply edited this into a few individual posts that would have stayed on topic, but I am happy with how this turned out. I often find it nearly impossible to vocalize what it is like to deal with a brain that processes life different than most people. I have met, either in person or online, many people who are the same way. Whether classified as ADD, ADHD, hyperactivity, or many other terms to describe people who think in pieces, dumb is definitely not a term that applies. While you can have ADD/ADHD and still be dumb, most are actually very intelligent. We just have problems trying to think the way everyone else thinks. I use to struggle in school with certain topics because there were presented in ways I found hard to comprehend. I use to struggle with math, until I taught myself how to look at the problems in a different way.
Many people with active minds are not necessarily meant to follow classical thinking. It is people like this who have gone on become leaders of industry by allowing themselves to think freely. Many are not meant for the business atmosphere, but instead become amazing artists, singers, dancers, actors, etc. If not for the necessity to handle multiple thoughts hitting you at once, we wouldn't have Windows. My browser wouldn't have all these tabs open that I was looking at until I got distracted. My MP3 wouldn't have a shuffle function. We wouldn't have some many cable channels.
I could, obviously, go on and on, but I think I have allowed my train of thought to get seriously derailed. I have already scrolled back to the top of this post to see what I originally meant to write about too many times now. It seems I intended to update my blog with new thoughts. I have done that now. Like I said, next time I will stay more focused and on topic.
