Feeling trapped
not immobilized
but mobility stalls
panic slowly, gently forming
I'm at a crossroad
a simple decision
but unable to decide
fearing possible unlikabilities
My mind has chosen
it focuses on minor details
relenting its grip on rationality
deciding on indecision
I want desperately to regain control
to allow life to happen
ignoring the what ifs that rarely occur
choosing to deal with the immediate
The anxiety that comes from this awareness
felling trapped between reason and worry
knowing the correct choice
yet unable to make it
Time passes as my mind stalls
somewhere between thought and action
like a misfire or electrical short
failing to initiate activity
So many pressing needs suddenly appear
overdue chores, new ideas you must not forget
decision is delayed as your attention is refocused
"look at the birdie", your mind commands
Hyperactivity to detail further shifts your focus
pushing you further into denial
you surrender your ability to reason
allowing the misdirection to shield you from choice
Eventually time passes and decisions have been made
life has continued without you, despite you
repercussions range from regret to rage
but you can never change what has already been done
The certainty this will happen again
creates an anxiety in itself
cradling you in its familiar grip
protecting you from possibilities
